MODERN MATTHEW (Home)

Make sure you don’t dry out.
It’s really important to stay hydrated during stressful and potentially prolonged disaster scenarios like hurricanes.  I combat dehydration by stocking up on an assortment of essential beverages like Veuve Clicquot, Duvel, Diet Coke (obviously), and some mixers.  You can plan ahead by keeping your liquor and wine cabinets fully stocked at all times.  Make sure you don’t skimp on the quality, people.  There’s nothing worse than being locked inside all day with nothing to drink but cheap alcohol and nowhere to run.  And let’s be honest, there’s always a figurative storm on the horizon and you need to be prepared.  

Oh, and if the power goes out (which means your water pump stops working), you’ll also need a case of water for brushing your teeth, washing your hands, and maybe even taking a shower.  Insider tip: The more veuve you drink, the easier it is to forget that you could potentially be showering via water bottle tomorrow.

Eat or be eaten.
Whenever you find yourself in an apocalyptic situation, you should probably have some extra food lying around.  Here’ s the deal.  I been to three markets over the past 12 hours, and one sold out of meat, two sold out of water, and all three had lines out the door.  People lose their shit before the storm, so you better stock up early or be prepared to fight for your food.  I’m not kidding—did you learn anything from watching The Walking Dead?

Don’t get left in the dark.
Buy a flashlight! Or if you don’t frequent Home Depot, invest in some Jo Malone candles instead.  The candles shed soft lighting that’ll make you look calm during the chaos of the storm.  If you prefer a brighter source of light, let me recommend downloading a flashlight app on your iPad.  They’re super bright, and mine even has a strobe effect that really enhances the Frankenstorm mood.

Buy extra batteries.
The last thing you need in the middle of a storm is for your remote to stop working.  Wouldn’t want to have to get up off the couch now, would you?

Map it out.
You should always have an old-fashioned map around to chart out your evacuation route in emergency situations, right?  Wrong.  Don’t be a hero, use your iPhone.  Come on, an ancient paper map is toast in hurricane weather and you know Steve Jobs has your back.  But honestly, you should probably just stay put and continue to drink work from home.

Pray the worst is over.
And by pray I mean drink. And by the worst is over I mean until you have to go back to work.